Showing Up Might Be The Hardest Part

Tony almost didn't go to his friend's birthday beach day.

He had reasons. The beach itself. The heat. Honestly, at some point I'm sure he would have used just about any excuse. The reasons we find to talk ourselves out of showing up usually aren't real reasons. It’s just shit we make up in our heads to try and keep us in our comfort zones.

I reminded him: real friends show up for their friends.

He went. And you already know how this ends. People were happy to see him. He had a good time and was reminded that in these situations, he's usually glad he went. 

I'm not going to tell you it's always worth it. Sometimes you go and you hate it. Other times it's fine, or it's awkward, or you leave early. That's reality. Though in my experience  nobody's life got smaller from going to too many things. I've found that isolation is the thing that compounds. Every time you skip, it gets a little easier to skip the next thing. And as one of my clients says, your brain will do stupid brain things. It will lie, it will tell you it's better, safer to stay home. It's so easy to believe.

Showing up is exposure. You're leaving the controlled environment of your house — no judgment, no masking required — and walking into a space where the opposite is true. And the beach? The beach might be the hardest place of all. There's nowhere to hide out there. It's you, your body, and a bunch of other people. 

When your brain does the math, the couch wins every time. Your brain thinks it’s protecting you from a threat that isn't actually a threat. It just feels like one. The discomfort is perceived as danger.

But the stupid brain doing stupid brain things never thinks about the positive outcome. It never shows you the other reality, where it's not dangerous, awkward, or scary at all, and you're actually glad you went.

Isolation is comfortable in the moment and corrosive over time. I’ve also found that people don't fall apart because they're weak, they fall apart because they're alone. Community is not a nice-to-have. It's a protective factor. 

And most of the time, it requires showing up. 

The next time you find yourself negotiating whether or not to go to the thing, don't overthink it.

Lower the bar. Ditch the expectations. You don't have to stay the whole time. You just have to go.

Tell someone you're coming. It's harder to ghost a person than a plan.

Remember there's more than one side of the story, and for every shitty outcome your brain makes up, there's an equally fun and positive one.

Kate and I have been talking about this a lot, who is going to show up, what are barriers to showing up.

So we intentionally built something where showing up is the hardest part. You show up and we take care of you — snacks, drinks, zero pressure to do anything you don't want to do. There's no payment. No upsell. No strings. I described it the other day as an all inclusive beach experience, and I stand by that. Your only job is to get yourself there. We've got the rest.

That's what a community without strings attached looks like. And we all deserve that.

What's the thing you've been talking yourself out of?

Be the friend who shows up.

Future you is already glad you did.